So I was hoping tonight would be ok. DH has a small cold and baby Charles hasn't really slept well since getting his shots on Thursday. But I was thinking they were all getting over that.
Nope.
DH and I bickered, well, outright fought. Which usually doesn't happen when the other 4 kids aren't here, which they weren't tonight. It's so freaking stupid. I'm so tired of bickering. I'm so tired of feeling like things aren't going to get easier or better or whatever.
I finally decided I'd try to get to sleep before 11 pm tonight. Lights out at 10:45 after reading for a bit and simmering down after our bicker-fest. 10:52 Charles decides he's going to give me hell.
Screaming. I completely lost my temper and did something I haven't done since, I'm ashamed to admit this, my last marriage. My fists went through the closet door - you know one of those louvered ugly sliding doors. Ugh, I'm such a dumb ass.
Charles is still awake, giving me hell. I needed a break so here I type at 11:28 wishing to God he would just fall off back to sleep on his own right now.
I'm wasted tired knowing that I'll have to get up at 2 am to pump like an ounce because my body is too stupid to make enough milk to feed my own baby and then get up at 5:45 for the day. Try to muddle through work and wish I could be home with Charles to help him get through whatever weird 4 month old baby crap he's going through that's making him act like this.
Some days I swear I could just clock the next person who walks in front of me. Ok, back up to help little man. Sheesh, this is so one of the parts of parenting that is not very much fun. I need a fast forward button. Oh, but don't skimp out on the pause and rewind buttons - they are just as illusive.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Ok, so I realized that I left this blog with a bit of sourness. I took a few days break and I've regrouped.
Overall we had a good weekend. We spent Saturday putting up the outside Halloween decs which was great. The kids had a blast with it and overall everything went well. Sunday dragged on and on and on though.
Patrick - stepson#2 bit my son on the arm. This is the 4th or 5th time he's bitten T-bone. Last week he bit Carter (stepson#1) so hard he broke the skin. I know he's only 4 but seriously, he should know better. He was grounded from the Wii. Then he tried to lie and say he didn't do it.
I don't know were this kid gets his violence from but it really pisses me off. I try very hard to use a soft touch when dealing with the step kids because I don't need them running off to mommy-dearest with BS stories about me doing bad things - we've already been down that path of lies and it aint pretty.
Everyone was ok though. Elizabeth had terrible tummy pains and I think she had a bit of a bug yesterday. She's at school today and feeling a bit better but she hates when I won't let her around baby Charles.
I'm plugging along at work and it's almost lunch time :)
Man, I need to find a way to motivate myself into losing weight. I'm such a pig and feel like I constantly need to be eating something. I'm just like my mother - ouch, that was painful to say.
I need a weight watchers friend. I just wish I could find someone. DH needs to lose some, ok a lot, of weight too. Maybe he could be my friend???
Time to start thinking about a plan of action. Whoa, listen to those rusty wheels start to churn - squeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkk!!!!
Overall we had a good weekend. We spent Saturday putting up the outside Halloween decs which was great. The kids had a blast with it and overall everything went well. Sunday dragged on and on and on though.
Patrick - stepson#2 bit my son on the arm. This is the 4th or 5th time he's bitten T-bone. Last week he bit Carter (stepson#1) so hard he broke the skin. I know he's only 4 but seriously, he should know better. He was grounded from the Wii. Then he tried to lie and say he didn't do it.
I don't know were this kid gets his violence from but it really pisses me off. I try very hard to use a soft touch when dealing with the step kids because I don't need them running off to mommy-dearest with BS stories about me doing bad things - we've already been down that path of lies and it aint pretty.
Everyone was ok though. Elizabeth had terrible tummy pains and I think she had a bit of a bug yesterday. She's at school today and feeling a bit better but she hates when I won't let her around baby Charles.
I'm plugging along at work and it's almost lunch time :)
Man, I need to find a way to motivate myself into losing weight. I'm such a pig and feel like I constantly need to be eating something. I'm just like my mother - ouch, that was painful to say.
I need a weight watchers friend. I just wish I could find someone. DH needs to lose some, ok a lot, of weight too. Maybe he could be my friend???
Time to start thinking about a plan of action. Whoa, listen to those rusty wheels start to churn - squeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkk!!!!
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Honesty with myself
I'll be perfectly honest. I love my children. I love my step-children. But not in the same way. Honestly - I could love them in the same way if it weren't for their mother. She is mean. She makes them mean. She says bad things, they behave accordingly.
My children are so different when the step-children aren't there. Now some behavioral differences should be expected just based on the number of children but I mean there are fundamental differences.
My older step-son doesn't seem to enjoy anything. Don't get me wrong, he laughs and smiles and goofs around at the dinner table but when it comes to being happy because someone else is having a birthday or went on a trip he doesn't seem capable. He doesn't even enjoy the things we give him - there is always a problem or it wasn't exactly what he wanted. It's a real downer. I guess his mother is like that. You know the type - nothing is ever good enough. But the kid is only 6 - shouldn't he be thrilled about everything?
My other step-son is much happier but doesn't listen - at all. He'll look right at you after you've told him not to do something and he'll do it. He also likes to tell me that he's going to kill me. He likes to hit and bite. Now he's only 4 he doesn't really know what he's saying but whoa, what 4 year old threatens death? Another real downer.
And how could those things not affect my children?
I feel like my kids are getting the short end of the stick. I feel bad for baby Charles torn between these two worlds.
I also feel that this is a wonderful opportunity for all the children to learn how to relate to others. But when is enough enough?
And the differences cause fights between me and my DH. The fact that his kids don't get any additional financial support for extra activities from their biological mother doesn't help the the situation either. Constant source of contention between us.
Even my MIL sees differences and she gets jealous. She is unfair and unequal in her treatment of the children. How do you explain that???
I'm thinking of this today because we'll have my kids tonight but not my step-kids. I will really enjoy the night. And tomorrow when we have them all I know I'll walk through the door when I come home with trepidation for how the night will go. How many times will we bicker? How many times will DH let Patrick get away with things he doesn't let my kids get away with? How many times will Carter sneer at me. Who will give me a hard time about eating dinner?
Negativity is a self-fulfilling prophesy, this I know. But history taints any optimism with logs full of examples demonstrating why I should expect the worst.
I only have my children sans step-children once every 2 weeks. We rarely have my step-children without mine present.
How do we solve these problems? We cannot go to family therapy because the step-children's egg donor won't let us take them. Do we spend more time apart? If so then who gets to take baby Charles since he belongs to both sides?
I really don't know the answer. Frankly I'm not even sure of the questions to ask.
So tonight I shall try to enjoy my children. Tomorrow is a full day.
My children are so different when the step-children aren't there. Now some behavioral differences should be expected just based on the number of children but I mean there are fundamental differences.
My older step-son doesn't seem to enjoy anything. Don't get me wrong, he laughs and smiles and goofs around at the dinner table but when it comes to being happy because someone else is having a birthday or went on a trip he doesn't seem capable. He doesn't even enjoy the things we give him - there is always a problem or it wasn't exactly what he wanted. It's a real downer. I guess his mother is like that. You know the type - nothing is ever good enough. But the kid is only 6 - shouldn't he be thrilled about everything?
My other step-son is much happier but doesn't listen - at all. He'll look right at you after you've told him not to do something and he'll do it. He also likes to tell me that he's going to kill me. He likes to hit and bite. Now he's only 4 he doesn't really know what he's saying but whoa, what 4 year old threatens death? Another real downer.
And how could those things not affect my children?
I feel like my kids are getting the short end of the stick. I feel bad for baby Charles torn between these two worlds.
I also feel that this is a wonderful opportunity for all the children to learn how to relate to others. But when is enough enough?
And the differences cause fights between me and my DH. The fact that his kids don't get any additional financial support for extra activities from their biological mother doesn't help the the situation either. Constant source of contention between us.
Even my MIL sees differences and she gets jealous. She is unfair and unequal in her treatment of the children. How do you explain that???
I'm thinking of this today because we'll have my kids tonight but not my step-kids. I will really enjoy the night. And tomorrow when we have them all I know I'll walk through the door when I come home with trepidation for how the night will go. How many times will we bicker? How many times will DH let Patrick get away with things he doesn't let my kids get away with? How many times will Carter sneer at me. Who will give me a hard time about eating dinner?
Negativity is a self-fulfilling prophesy, this I know. But history taints any optimism with logs full of examples demonstrating why I should expect the worst.
I only have my children sans step-children once every 2 weeks. We rarely have my step-children without mine present.
How do we solve these problems? We cannot go to family therapy because the step-children's egg donor won't let us take them. Do we spend more time apart? If so then who gets to take baby Charles since he belongs to both sides?
I really don't know the answer. Frankly I'm not even sure of the questions to ask.
So tonight I shall try to enjoy my children. Tomorrow is a full day.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Congrats to an online friend
Sooooo, I LOVE pregnancy.org - what an amazing group of women! That's my props in that direction.
But just wanted to blog about one of my favorite people to stalk over there. Buckeyebaby -
CONGRATULATIONS on your wonderful BFP!!!!
I am looking forward to staking you through the next 9 months girl!
But just wanted to blog about one of my favorite people to stalk over there. Buckeyebaby -
CONGRATULATIONS on your wonderful BFP!!!!
I am looking forward to staking you through the next 9 months girl!
Sheesh
Baby Charles had a fever yesterday morning and a croupy cough. So I decided to take him to the doc. Got the other kids ready for school and put their stuff in the van.
Went out to the van to leave - flat tire. Ugh.
All's well that ends well. Babe's ok and got the tire fixed.
What a PITA though. I'm glad it's Friday.
Went out to the van to leave - flat tire. Ugh.
All's well that ends well. Babe's ok and got the tire fixed.
What a PITA though. I'm glad it's Friday.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Giggles
So yesterday was my first "full" day back to work. I was naturally feeling guilty about leaving baby Charles with the day care center. But, as usual, he made me feel so much better.
Picked that little guy up and he was all smiles. Got him home and we hung out on my bed "talking" and he started giggling. He would look away and then back at me and giggle in his own little version of peek-a-boo. It was just so sweet and I indulged myself and enjoyed his little laughter.
Then he slept from 8 pm to 6:30 am without a peep last night.
I am trully blessed - giggles, wiggles and all.
Picked that little guy up and he was all smiles. Got him home and we hung out on my bed "talking" and he started giggling. He would look away and then back at me and giggle in his own little version of peek-a-boo. It was just so sweet and I indulged myself and enjoyed his little laughter.
Then he slept from 8 pm to 6:30 am without a peep last night.
I am trully blessed - giggles, wiggles and all.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Work
Seems so unfair sometimes. I don't like that we're going to hire someone new to do no more than I do and who will make at least if not more than me.
I should grow a set and ask my boss for a raise. I'm already the lowest paid member of my "team". How's that fair?
I know I'm not the "lead" on one of our major project but that's not for lack of asking and trying. In fact my boss made me project manager on a small/medium project because he didn't have anything else available to give to me. I guess I'm lucky to have my job but come on! Plus the drive here is killing me.
I'm just feeling particularly let down today. I should let the feeling part just go and do my best to illustrate how great I am. But some days I just wanna dye the boss's hair green write loser on his forehead with a sharpie and laugh my a$$ off. I'm so juvie sometimes.
I should grow a set and ask my boss for a raise. I'm already the lowest paid member of my "team". How's that fair?
I know I'm not the "lead" on one of our major project but that's not for lack of asking and trying. In fact my boss made me project manager on a small/medium project because he didn't have anything else available to give to me. I guess I'm lucky to have my job but come on! Plus the drive here is killing me.
I'm just feeling particularly let down today. I should let the feeling part just go and do my best to illustrate how great I am. But some days I just wanna dye the boss's hair green write loser on his forehead with a sharpie and laugh my a$$ off. I'm so juvie sometimes.
Fleeting
So Monday crashed into us with bad attitudes, bickering, and general naughty behavior. And that was just my DH - lol! DH had a little too much to drink Sunday night and was totally useless to me Monday. The kids must have swallowed some kind of bad child tincture or something because they were rough.
We had taken them apple picking on Sunday which was really nice. Then we went Buckeye hunting Monday and my step-son Carter just would not listen. They all had a really nice time wandering around in the woods looking for buckeyes but I could have done without the wet pants and shoes from the creek and the attitude in the car on the way there and back.
Lunch was disastrous. We tried to go to the pool since in was the last day but the water was so cold no one wanted to swim so home we went. The more whining and not listening.
But we made it through. Got everyone's lunches packed and the whole rigamerole for today.
Everyone slept well but my alarm was not set and I got up 45 minutes late this morning!!!! UGH!!!! Not the best way to start my week. But I made it to work only 15 minutes late so we got it all done.
Thank God I'm organized or we'd be up a creek.
So hard to leave little Charles this morning. My first full day back at work and away from him. It's been nice to ease back into it over the last 3 weeks but I miss him so much already. I know it'll get easier but he's just so little. Things are just so different this time then they were with my first 2. Ah well, back to the grind.
We had taken them apple picking on Sunday which was really nice. Then we went Buckeye hunting Monday and my step-son Carter just would not listen. They all had a really nice time wandering around in the woods looking for buckeyes but I could have done without the wet pants and shoes from the creek and the attitude in the car on the way there and back.
Lunch was disastrous. We tried to go to the pool since in was the last day but the water was so cold no one wanted to swim so home we went. The more whining and not listening.
But we made it through. Got everyone's lunches packed and the whole rigamerole for today.
Everyone slept well but my alarm was not set and I got up 45 minutes late this morning!!!! UGH!!!! Not the best way to start my week. But I made it to work only 15 minutes late so we got it all done.
Thank God I'm organized or we'd be up a creek.
So hard to leave little Charles this morning. My first full day back at work and away from him. It's been nice to ease back into it over the last 3 weeks but I miss him so much already. I know it'll get easier but he's just so little. Things are just so different this time then they were with my first 2. Ah well, back to the grind.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
A good day
Gymnastics for sweet Elizabeth in the morning. Then she and T-bone and Charles and I went off to Wal-Mart for some shopping and Subway (and Mommy's milk for Charles) for lunch.
Got home got stuff put away. Elizabeth has a busy weekend! Sleep over at a friend's tonight and dinner at another friend's tomorrow. It's hard for me because I miss her and feel like I don't see her much on my weekends with her. Her dad - the ex - refuses to drive the 20 mintes in our direction for her to have play date, er um sorry "hang outs" with her friends so I always have to do them on my weekends.
I'm so happy she has some nice buddies to hang out with this year. 4th grade is kinda pivotal ya know? I remember 4th grade and the girls I hung out with that year were really the ones I stuck with for a long time. So it's bitter sweet that I see my oldest "baby" go off to do her own thing. I'm so proud of her!
The 3 older boys are out back playing ball with Dad and Charles is watching his favorite Baby Van Gogh. All giving me a minute to yack :)
I love peaceful moments like this. They are few and far between in this house but it makes me appreciate them all the more!
Got home got stuff put away. Elizabeth has a busy weekend! Sleep over at a friend's tonight and dinner at another friend's tomorrow. It's hard for me because I miss her and feel like I don't see her much on my weekends with her. Her dad - the ex - refuses to drive the 20 mintes in our direction for her to have play date, er um sorry "hang outs" with her friends so I always have to do them on my weekends.
I'm so happy she has some nice buddies to hang out with this year. 4th grade is kinda pivotal ya know? I remember 4th grade and the girls I hung out with that year were really the ones I stuck with for a long time. So it's bitter sweet that I see my oldest "baby" go off to do her own thing. I'm so proud of her!
The 3 older boys are out back playing ball with Dad and Charles is watching his favorite Baby Van Gogh. All giving me a minute to yack :)
I love peaceful moments like this. They are few and far between in this house but it makes me appreciate them all the more!
Friday, September 3, 2010
Sneak away time...
Ok, some sneak away time. DH is outside watering and baby Charles is in bed. The 4 older kids are at the ex's. I have a bunch-o-stuff to get done but 2 minutes to type my thoughts won't hurt anyone.
So here's my thought tonight. The weather is lovely right now at 8:37 pm. I know there is a cold beer in the fridge and some chocolate in the cupboard. I'm thinking it's time for my lame version or R&R.
With my glass raised: here's to me and all the other Wonder Women out there.
I like sneak away time.
So here's my thought tonight. The weather is lovely right now at 8:37 pm. I know there is a cold beer in the fridge and some chocolate in the cupboard. I'm thinking it's time for my lame version or R&R.
With my glass raised: here's to me and all the other Wonder Women out there.
I like sneak away time.
Ahhhh, short day today for me. Buuuut, baby Charles wasn't in such a good mood at Grandma's house. Apparently he blew out 2 outfits and somehow managed to only sleep 45 minutes today. Sorry grandma. He's sleeping for me now so I have some "free" time.
So I sit here and look at the laundry, think about the pictures I'll never manage to get off the camera this year and think "huh, good time to blog, no?" Man I'm a slacker!
So when people ask you what do you do for fun do you lie? I lie. I say, "oh I like to scrapbook, walk" or sometimes I really lie and say "well I always go for a good sky dive when I can. Or whenever I can I really like deep sea diving and I'm always up for hot air ballooning". When the fact of the matter is - please see previous post - I HAVE NO TIME FOR FUN. Nope, nada, zilch, zippo. I don't even have time to get it on with hubby man :( I need to find some time to chat with God and see if we can rearrange this whole space time continuum thing. But in the mean time ...
I lie. It makes me feel better.
I'm a bad bad lady. Excuse me please but I feel the urge to go alligator hunting now.
So I sit here and look at the laundry, think about the pictures I'll never manage to get off the camera this year and think "huh, good time to blog, no?" Man I'm a slacker!
So when people ask you what do you do for fun do you lie? I lie. I say, "oh I like to scrapbook, walk" or sometimes I really lie and say "well I always go for a good sky dive when I can. Or whenever I can I really like deep sea diving and I'm always up for hot air ballooning". When the fact of the matter is - please see previous post - I HAVE NO TIME FOR FUN. Nope, nada, zilch, zippo. I don't even have time to get it on with hubby man :( I need to find some time to chat with God and see if we can rearrange this whole space time continuum thing. But in the mean time ...
I lie. It makes me feel better.
I'm a bad bad lady. Excuse me please but I feel the urge to go alligator hunting now.
It's Friday - yes I have a gift for stating the obvious. The Buckeyes won easily last night which always puts a smile on my face. Now if only I could get a few minutes of free time to watch them win! Here's what my week nights look like:
1. Pick kids up after work.
2. Homework and go through school paperwork.
3. nurse baby.
4. make dinner.
5. clean up while the kids have their media time.
6. showers.
7. put baby to bed.
8. read with and put older kids to bed.
9. make lunches and breakfasts and bottles for the next day and clean all that up.
10. pump.
11. fold laundry or other housework that must be done for the next day.
12. get my clothes out for the next day.
13. collapse into bed while I listen to my DH complain how we aren't intimate anymore.
14. pump one more time before I fade off into unconsciousness.
15. 2 am - pump so my supply doesn't dwindle now that I'm back at work.
Oh and this schedule doesn't include the night we have karate or gymnastics. Then things really get hairy.
Intimate????? I wish!!!! Where do I schedule that - in between the kids showers? Or in between the PB&J sandwich and the ham sandwich? By the time I'm done with my nightly checklist it's after 10 or 10:30. Then I get up at 5:45.
I know my darling feels a bit neglected at times but cut me some slack! I don't even have time to work out. Hence the reason I'm still overweight and don't even feel sexy let alone try to act sexy. I eat the crap the kids don't finish and when I do get some time for myself I veg because I need to stop moving at some point.
Even the poor dog looks longingly at me waiting for her five minutes of stroke time.
Don't get me wrong. I love my family but sometimes I just wish I could have a little time - extra time - to take things more slowly. I admit I have small family envy at times for those with 2 kids or less. Most times I'm glad we have a big family because I love them all so dearly. I guess what I'm really envious of is those moms who can stay home.
But the rat race is my home. Sometimes I just can't find my cheese.
1. Pick kids up after work.
2. Homework and go through school paperwork.
3. nurse baby.
4. make dinner.
5. clean up while the kids have their media time.
6. showers.
7. put baby to bed.
8. read with and put older kids to bed.
9. make lunches and breakfasts and bottles for the next day and clean all that up.
10. pump.
11. fold laundry or other housework that must be done for the next day.
12. get my clothes out for the next day.
13. collapse into bed while I listen to my DH complain how we aren't intimate anymore.
14. pump one more time before I fade off into unconsciousness.
15. 2 am - pump so my supply doesn't dwindle now that I'm back at work.
Oh and this schedule doesn't include the night we have karate or gymnastics. Then things really get hairy.
Intimate????? I wish!!!! Where do I schedule that - in between the kids showers? Or in between the PB&J sandwich and the ham sandwich? By the time I'm done with my nightly checklist it's after 10 or 10:30. Then I get up at 5:45.
I know my darling feels a bit neglected at times but cut me some slack! I don't even have time to work out. Hence the reason I'm still overweight and don't even feel sexy let alone try to act sexy. I eat the crap the kids don't finish and when I do get some time for myself I veg because I need to stop moving at some point.
Even the poor dog looks longingly at me waiting for her five minutes of stroke time.
Don't get me wrong. I love my family but sometimes I just wish I could have a little time - extra time - to take things more slowly. I admit I have small family envy at times for those with 2 kids or less. Most times I'm glad we have a big family because I love them all so dearly. I guess what I'm really envious of is those moms who can stay home.
But the rat race is my home. Sometimes I just can't find my cheese.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Well at least he came to his senses!! I should have known better. Overall my boss-man is ok. He was getting static about others working from home. Though my time at home is "definitely not official" I still get it and that's what counts.
On to more pressing things - GO BUCKS! But man I wish the traffic didn't come with it!
I think tonight is Wonder Woman underoo night for me :D - I love my WW underwear.
On to more pressing things - GO BUCKS! But man I wish the traffic didn't come with it!
I think tonight is Wonder Woman underoo night for me :D - I love my WW underwear.
Ok so I think people get pissy when you return from maternity leave. My boss is giving me a hard time about a schedule request I made regarding working 2 half days from home for child care purposes. Mind you that one of my other team members has done this for the last 4 years! Why, please enlighten me here, oh why would I not be afforded the same opportunity? I do my work, have always gotten good reviews.
Whatever. Sounds like another age old case of gender discrimination to me. Runs rampant round these parts but no one ever sticks up for themselves - especially in this economy.
I guess I'll just bend over and take it dry, dammit. I feel like such a sell out. But like everyone else I need to keep my job.
Whatever. Sounds like another age old case of gender discrimination to me. Runs rampant round these parts but no one ever sticks up for themselves - especially in this economy.
I guess I'll just bend over and take it dry, dammit. I feel like such a sell out. But like everyone else I need to keep my job.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Here's a little background on him, me, us...
I'm using aliases here because we don't want mean people being, well, mean.
Chuck - the "him" in this equation. Married before with 2 children, both boys. They are currently 6 and 3 (for 2 more weeks anyway). His 2nd child was not expected for him and there are lots of feelings of resentment and anger surrounding conception and birth. Not the little dude's fault. Chuck and "Misery" (our cute little nickname for the ex) should have known better. But this world is full of surprises that turn out to be totally ok in the end. Part of the anger portion comes because Chuck was sure the child wasn't his. But to his surprise the little dude is his. Another portion of of resentment is because that surprise cost Chuck an additional year of custody fights and being stuck in a legal marriage he did not want to be in. Not to mention a lifetime of monetary commitment he didn't plan on. But I repeat - sometimes surprises, no matter how painful in the beginning, turn out to be great in the end. Chuck and Misery's biggest points of contention are the fact the other still exists. It sucks.
Alise - the "me" in this equation. Married before with 2 children, a girl and a boy. They are currently 9 and 6 (well, almost 7). My first marriage was dull, borning, not full of much love or passion. My ex is a decent person who just really didn't love me. He was looking for his mother and I just didn't fit the bill. Our biggest points of contention these days deal with money (he doesn't like being fiscally responsible to our children) and scheduling.
Alise & Chuck - the "us". We met at work. We were both married at the time and I was expecting my 2nd child, my son, and Chuck was expecting his first child. We became friends. We remained friends for a long time not really seeing each other much as our schedules were quite different. As I was going through my separation when my son was 2 my schedule changed and Chuck and I often had lunch together. He was also going through a very difficult time with his separation and discovery that his soon-to-be ex was pregnant with a child he didn't want. It was difficult to watch my friend go through a very long, drawn out, painful divorce while I was able to start moving on with my life.
Fast forward a bit. Chuck's 2nd child was born. He was finally able to finalize his divorce after 2 1/2 years of efforts to that end. He and I began dating. He likes to say now that he always "had an eye" for me. I care so very much for him and our relationship grew out of caring and friendship. I still have trouble opening my heart but with him I try harder than with anyone.
We dated and started to think that even with 4 children we could maybe make a life together. I sold my house and we bought one together that could accomodate our large blend. About a month before we got married I found out that we were expecting the third part of the "us" in our equation. We'll go into that later.
Such is the beginning evolution of our life together. A life that isn't always together and can feel as separate as if we never met at times. But that's what you get when you have his, mine, and ours. (Whoa - I wrapped that up nicely, didn't I?? My old English teacher would be proud).
I'm using aliases here because we don't want mean people being, well, mean.
Chuck - the "him" in this equation. Married before with 2 children, both boys. They are currently 6 and 3 (for 2 more weeks anyway). His 2nd child was not expected for him and there are lots of feelings of resentment and anger surrounding conception and birth. Not the little dude's fault. Chuck and "Misery" (our cute little nickname for the ex) should have known better. But this world is full of surprises that turn out to be totally ok in the end. Part of the anger portion comes because Chuck was sure the child wasn't his. But to his surprise the little dude is his. Another portion of of resentment is because that surprise cost Chuck an additional year of custody fights and being stuck in a legal marriage he did not want to be in. Not to mention a lifetime of monetary commitment he didn't plan on. But I repeat - sometimes surprises, no matter how painful in the beginning, turn out to be great in the end. Chuck and Misery's biggest points of contention are the fact the other still exists. It sucks.
Alise - the "me" in this equation. Married before with 2 children, a girl and a boy. They are currently 9 and 6 (well, almost 7). My first marriage was dull, borning, not full of much love or passion. My ex is a decent person who just really didn't love me. He was looking for his mother and I just didn't fit the bill. Our biggest points of contention these days deal with money (he doesn't like being fiscally responsible to our children) and scheduling.
Alise & Chuck - the "us". We met at work. We were both married at the time and I was expecting my 2nd child, my son, and Chuck was expecting his first child. We became friends. We remained friends for a long time not really seeing each other much as our schedules were quite different. As I was going through my separation when my son was 2 my schedule changed and Chuck and I often had lunch together. He was also going through a very difficult time with his separation and discovery that his soon-to-be ex was pregnant with a child he didn't want. It was difficult to watch my friend go through a very long, drawn out, painful divorce while I was able to start moving on with my life.
Fast forward a bit. Chuck's 2nd child was born. He was finally able to finalize his divorce after 2 1/2 years of efforts to that end. He and I began dating. He likes to say now that he always "had an eye" for me. I care so very much for him and our relationship grew out of caring and friendship. I still have trouble opening my heart but with him I try harder than with anyone.
We dated and started to think that even with 4 children we could maybe make a life together. I sold my house and we bought one together that could accomodate our large blend. About a month before we got married I found out that we were expecting the third part of the "us" in our equation. We'll go into that later.
Such is the beginning evolution of our life together. A life that isn't always together and can feel as separate as if we never met at times. But that's what you get when you have his, mine, and ours. (Whoa - I wrapped that up nicely, didn't I?? My old English teacher would be proud).
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)